"thank you for waking me up"

For my own well being, I try to journal daily. I need to remember theres positivity in the world as well as the not so nice things

this is a great place to record everything memorable that happens

maybe this'll bring some happiness to you. good things happen too


Today is a hard day to find things to be greatful for. I know Im surronded by things that are beautiful but right now Im feeling more low than usual, but here goes. Im thankful this evening for my health and for the health of my family. Im thankful to have a house, and the central air in it; truly some of god's greatest work. Im greatful for the decorations in my room, Ariana Grande's thank u, next album, and the laptop I type on. The food in the frige, especially those mini kit-kats on the top shelf. I forgot Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ilove the style, it remind me of Yu-Yu-Hakusho which Im also so thankful for. That's all for tonight. I tried.


some days are harder than others. I wish I would have done more today, I wasn't really given anything else than usual to be thankful for.


bruh. every day it gets harder sksks. Today I'm thankful for 'limbo', 'because i'm in love with you' by Billie Eilish and 'Tetris' by Derek King. Music is really helping me through whatever heartbreak or unhappiness I feel. I also got a good tennis racket today and a bag for it, plus a skirt and two t-shirts Im excited to wear when I play- hopefull tomorrow; I haven't been writing, laziness has gotten the best of me. I went to the musuem on the 3rd with my brother and saw fireworks on the 4th.


Im mad thankful these days. Firstly Halloween is right around the corner and the nostalgia it gives me is crazy, yo! Good music discoveries. I've been litsening to "Hey Kids" by Molina, and let me tell you, SUCH a bop! Lord! Nonames "With You" and "Song 32" are great too. On another note, Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" is a good one. It gives me the vibe that my test results are going to come back positive but honestly it doesn't matter as long is this song is constantly playing in the background. I'm drinking out of a Hello Kitty cup right now, that's pretty great. I just watered the plants. I liked the way my hands looked while they poured out the water from the plastic watering can. They looked the same way anime characters used to look when pouring tea when I watched Yu Yu Hakusho as a kid. Since then I've watched it maybe 4 other times. I'm thankful for that show and for it's music too. Thankful for how the lights in my kitchen look when it's dark outside. I'm greatful for the times I had with him.


Yesterday I read my old entries and realized I was being a spoiled brat but now I'm back thinking the same way. Im pissed off. I dont feel like being thankful. But there's just so many reasons to be, and I know it. Thankful for how I felt last night. I was eating cookies and I leaned back against the headboard and said "this is it" or something along the lines. A self proclaimed peak I guess. Im thankful for the people who have made me what I am. Thank you to the people that are going to make me into what Im going to be. Im thankful for the future and the fact theres always another day to live. I mean, not Groundhog Day style but you know. Just the fact Im going to have a future and one day Im going to be 100% that bitch. Lizzo style rather than a Bill Murray style. Dig? One day I'll be that Instagram girl with the ombre eyebrows and the long curled hair with huge lips and a cute laugh. She's 5"2' and her husbands in a military uniform or something. In the pictures she looks so small. her stomach is so flat. She's getting her Masters in an online college whil taking care of a 6 month old boy. She meal preps and goes to the gym. She's happy. She has a german sheppard. She still talks to her friends from high school. She's known her husband since they were little kids. They've dated since they were in 4th or 5th grade. That's me.


I'm thankful for my good test scores in school. I'm staying on top if it.


I'm thankful for this mornings good breakfast. I really do love a good old continental breakfast and some R&R!


Thankful for Sammy's pizza tonight for dinner. The leaves are changing color and the inside of the restaurant was all decorated. I remember being a little kid and my cousin giving me a stuffed animal he'd won and feeling so overjoyed figuring out a name for it. I saw a bunch of kids in their today, I hope they have those same memories. My Dad was snarling at them. They were being loud. I've been loud lately. I think they remind him of me. But they had those orange plastic jack-o-lantern heads ganging from the ceiling. You know. the ones kids use for trick-or-treating? Adorable. I had candy corn out of Hannah's snack mix and it was pretty good. I'm asking for BooBerries so hopefully we'll have them when I get back home. Our concert is coming up soon.I want to get dinner after My brother is too scared we'll get hurt in Milwaukee at night but I know we'll be fine. I've survived far worse! He said we can go up to Sammy's together. He's never been there and I want him to try their pizza. God, I dont even wanna say the word anymore, I had so much. I feel bad but it was sooo worth it.


Today I'm thankful for "Monster House", "Coraline", and "Keeping Up Appearances". And the smiley face emoji my brother used in his text. I really appreciate the way the mirror I just put up in my room looks. My space looks so cozy. It's seperate from everyone elses and I like being so secluded, so I can be loud without the stress of wondering if I'm waking someone else. It's so comfortable and warm up here. I used to have this daydream of being in a white room with fluffly white comforters covering the ground and a projector displaying clouds that I'd sleep in all day. It kinda feels like that. So warm and fluffy all around.


The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Literally because of how I am I find a way to taint every fucking memory with an association of someting disgusting but Prince of Bel Air to this day remains untouched. I just have this vivid memory of waking up in the middle of the night in my now room with a huge box TV at the foot of my bed playing BET. Also have a memory of- when I was much younger- waking up in a pink Dora tent on the deck on some really warm (like sheets out the dryer warm) summery day. Funny how all my gratitude things are just memories of being a kid eating and sleeping lmfao.



Also Grabbed by the Ghoulies, the 2006 Xbox game I had as a small kid. Fireeeee. What else? The trees looking fine with those colors oooh. And dUH! Yu Yu like I gotta mention every time because I was watching clips and y'all really don't understand how much other shit I'm on with this ok. Also this bed being warm as a bittttch and this pink sweater being cozy like oh my god who let me relax and enjoy these M&M's? Who let me be so adorable wearing my hair like Ausuka in these shorts with the fairy lights on typing this on my laptop? WHO?


At this point I am, yes, very aware of the fact that this has become redundant and repetitive but whatever! I like what I like! I like the sound of my train rolling by my house and of these pink and purple fuzzy socks. Of my bike and my old memories of what happened last year around this time. I like my dog blanket, and the Cowboy Bebop throw at the end of my bed too. I like my English teacher and Joanna Newsom. I like my SNES and leaves!


My hair is a vibe and that's all I gotta say! My bed and these pajamas. The pajamas I woke up in were black shorts and a pink Ralph-Lauren sweater. I'm going to sleep in a gray oversized t-shirt and purple fuzzy sweats. So comfortable.


So thankful for my walk/bike today after school. I just kept imagining being a little kid and biking to my friends house and dumping it on the grass and running up the porch and opening the screen door and greeting "Mrs. Blank" and hearing the wire snap behind me as I make my way up the stairs to tell him about this new 64 game I got? Damn why wasn't I born in 1976 as a blond fat boy named Chowder? God's a bastard!